Module 5: Recognising domestic, family and sexual violence

Before we begin, we would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the lands that we are meeting on today. I am joining you from the lands of the Turrbal and the Jagera people.

And I’m on Ngunnawal and Ngambri country We would like to acknowledge their ongoing connection to land, sea, and community and pay our respects to elders past, present, and emerging. So we will be referencing experience of violence today in the training, so we ask that everybody prioritizes their wellbeing and step away if needed.

And please stop the training if you need to. We have listed some numbers on the slide that you could reach out to if you were re- requiring someone to check in with after this training. 1-800-RESPECT is a national service that can provide confidential counseling. Their phone number is 1-800-737-732. So we have developed a workbook which has been designed for you to use during this training.

Our hope is that this workbook will allow you to apply some of the knowledge learned in the training today, but also reflect on your work and your practice. You can download the workbook from the WWILD website right next to where you’ve accessed this training. we will prompt you as to when to turn to your workbook and fill out the questions, and we ask that you pause the video, fill out your responses, and then continue on from there.

So what will we talk about today in module five? So we’ll be looking at the indicators of domestic, family, and sexual violence for people who have a disability. We’ll be talking about how you ask about domestic, family, and sexual violence if when you’re working with someone, there’s indicators, you have a feeling that something might not be right.

So we’ll give you some tips around how to approach that discussion. We’ll also talk to you about supporting people who have communication difficulties, and we will share some resources that will hopefully be helpful for you. And just a very quick note on language. you will hear us use a combination of person-first language, such as person with a disability, as well as identity-first, disabled person.

people within the community have different preferences around this and at this point in time, there isn’t 100% agreed on, preference for everyone. just I guess make sure that when you are working with someone that you are using the language that they prefer. So recognizing domestic, family, and sexual violence.

So on this slide we have a quote. this quote has come from someone who has a lived experience of disability who participated in our co-development workshops. So they say, “Behavior is an indicator. Building relationships is the best way to know when someone’s behavior is not their usual behavior.” So we’ll be listing indicators that might indicate that someone has had an experience of domestic, family, or sexual violence, but we know that behavior is a form of communication.

So really important to ensure that we are getting, allowing time to get to know that person, to build a rapport with that person. So if something happens in their life and they are communicating this through behavior or differences in, in the way that they present or the way that they access the community, if we have that relationship with that person, we will know, and then we can start asking some questions.

So really important to have a strong relationship with anyone that we’re supporting So this slide to listen, so this was developed, this idea was developed alongside, one of the women who joined our co-development groups. And so this is a woman who has dual disability, and when we were talking about what she would like people to know, what she would like support workers to know around domestic, family and sexual violence, her main message was the importance of listening.

And of course, that means listening with your ears, so active listening, so being present, focusing on the person, using non-verbal engagement, paraphrasing, clarifying when needed. but it’s not just that. It’s also, considering what you’re observing. So the person, do they… Are they presenting differently?

Their environment, the way they act or the way they respond to others or to you. these are- this is also really important part of listening and being curious and ensuring that person, if they are communicating something to you or trying to communicate something to you, you are aware because you’re being present, and you’re curious about what that experience is trying to tell you.

So undivided attention. The– Actually, the tip that this person had for all support workers is they should be listening as soon as they turn off their car until they get back into their car after their shift. So being present for the whole time that you’re spending with that person. And using your heart, so showing compassion, showing empathy, showing that person that you care and that you want to support them with this.

But also being really aware of your own instincts and reaching out for support if you feel like something is, happening and you’re unsure around how to approach it. But also having a discussion with that person which will give you some tips on how to do as we continue the training. I think that’s such a good tip, actually, the, be paying attention from the, second you get out of the car

because, sometimes these, hints of things that are happening, people can be very good at hiding it as if they’re not ready to talk about it. So what you notice when people don’t realize you’re paying attention is really valuable as well. I think that’s a really useful tip. Yeah, absolutely.

As soon as she said it, I said, “Yes, that’s– Yes, I’m going to be quoting that.” That’s the one in the training because so important.

so we’ll start by listing some of the physical indicators of domestic, family, and sexual violence for people who have a disability. So the first is, of course, any injury, so any unexplained injury. So that might be injuries that someone is trying to hide, injuries in multiple stages of healing or on different parts of their body.

They could be injuries that when you ask that person how that happened, there is a delay in their response, or they seem unsure around how to tell you. what they’re saying around how the injury happened is doesn’t quite make sense. You’re unsure around how such a big bruise would have happened from what they’re telling you, for example.

So being really, prepared, I think, to be asking people about injuries is really important. Of course, this may be an injury that has happened because of running into something or tripping or, something like that, but really important to always be curious and be asking a question if we notice any injury and documenting that, of course, as well.

So signs of neglect. So this could look like malnutrition, poor hygiene, rapid weight loss. So these would be changes. Again, if we think about that word changes, so a change in the person’s appearance, a home that isn’t as, well-kept as perhaps it usually is, weight loss, weight gain. So signs of neglect could also be, people, being quite…

feel sedated in their presentation. so just looking out for things that are different to how, if you know that person well, how they generally present when you’re working with them. Disturbed sleep. So if someone is telling you they’re having trouble getting to sleep, they’re having frequent nightmares, they’re waking a lot, they seem tired when you’re supporting them, this could be an indicator that something’s troubling them, something’s keeping them up.

Sexually transmitted infections and frequent urinary tract infections. this can be, a red flag that, that something has happened, that needs a discussion around. of course, sexually transmitted infections or, UTIs can happen to, all people and require support to have a discussion with the doctor around that and, treatment for that.

that again, an indicator that we’d wanna be curious about and having some discussions with that person in a safe way that they feel comfortable with So we’ll list some behavioral indicators. So I’ve discussed this a little bit, but a change in the way the person interacts. So this might be the way they interact with you, the way they interact with others, the way they interact with a certain person.

Again, if we go back to, the slide around listening, so observing, really observing the way that people react. withdrawing or stopping activities that they liked doing, acting more aggressively. So again, what is this aggression? What is this communicating? If we think about behavior always being a form of communication, why is this happening?

Withdrawing into themselves or from others. So this might look like a person, not wanting to go out into the community, not wanting to spend time with their friends, not wanting to do things together, maybe canceling the support. so withdrawing. Again, avoidance of, this could be certain places or people.

So is happy to go to a lot of different places with you and your spot, but is really adamant that they don’t wanna go, to a certain place, and this is somewhere that they’ve definitely frequented, many times before. So abusing others, hurting others, and this could be in a lot of different ways, but what is this communicating to us?

Seeking attention or interaction. Saying they are unable to meet you or work by themselves. really sharing that a certain person needs to come with them. they can’t say yes to something before they check in with somebody else. so these could also be a sign that, they’re fearful and, this person has told them that, “I really wanna come to you,” to all of these things.

Again, if this is a change in the way that the person interacts with you, this could be something else to, have a discussion about. And being nervous, uneasy, or wanting to avoid certain people of places. So again, we’ve discussed this a little bit in terms of, withdrawing from things, not wanting to do things.

But if this also comes with really being nervous or uneasy or, you can tell that they’re really not comfortable with this. They’ll go, but they’re really not liking the experience of being in this place or with these certain people. so that could be another sign that, of course, if anyone’s feeling uneasy, it’s an opportunity to have a discussion around why that is and what type of support might be needed.

but if we’re going back to our what it is to listen, and we’re observing that there’s some unease, and our action is to, ask some questions and see what type of support we can provide to help that person in that situation. Yeah. Absolutely. And I think as well, it’s important to remember that these are potential indicators, and it’s not if you tick one off, then, oh, that must mean this is the situation, particularly around the withdrawing

because that can also… as Jane has just said, if you notice any of these things, the next step is to have a conversation and trying to find out why this is happening. Whoops. But withdrawing from activities they used to like or not wanting to socialize anymore or leave the house, that can also just be a sign of someone having mental health

difficulties and that kind of thing. so these aren’t, a guarantee of anything, but it’s, as Jane says, useful indicators and a point to have a conversation. but if we’re looking at these environmental indicators, we’ve got things like telling stories or making jokes about abuse. people, there’s that saying, “All jokes have an element of, truth in them.”

and this can be, a way of raising the topic in a, less threatening way and, “Oh, no, I was pretending that they weren’t serious,” and whatever. yeah, so tuning into those kinds of things. Making, dropping hints or comments that are a little bit concerning, that again, hinting towards something but they’re not comfortable saying it outright.

We don’t just ignore those. We take those as a great opportunity to find out a little bit more what might be happening. financial discrepancies and the person paying or appearing to pay for everything. So of course, this, links to financial abuse that we have discussed in an earlier module.

but yeah, people can certainly be taken advantage of, in terms of finances and, losing, not having control over their finances or thinking that, everything’s okay, but it doesn’t seem to be lining up when you look at it. Yeah … believing they’re not entitled to something when they are.

this could be perhaps because the person who is the perpetrator has been in their ear saying, no, you, you can’t have that. You don’t qualify for that,” or, “You don’t deserve that,” or whatever it is. And worrying about the reactions of a particular person, a partner or family member. “Oh, I couldn’t do that.

They’d, be so angry if I did that,” or, “Oh, no, they wouldn’t want me to X, Y, Z.” and that having a really, disproportionate amount of sway to them. Yes. the person being unresponsive or responding and engaging pretty minimally when the person is present. Again, that comes down to the sort of monitoring and, fear of upsetting this person and coercive control and all these different things.

if the home is looking, particularly unkempt or unhygienic, that could be an indicator of domestic, family, or sexual violence. Again, it’s not definitely that’s the reason, but there could be- Yeah … a link there. love bombing, so you might be familiar with this term, but, basically, love bombing is a particular, manipulative tactic that can be used, early on in a relationship often where the person is just…

Again, it’s this disproportionate amount of attention, and affection, and promises and, literally bombing the person with love and that sort of- is building trust and then, later that can be, that trust can be abused. and then constant phone calls and messages, so perhaps the person is constantly receiving texts from their partner saying, “Where are you?

What are you doing? Who are you with? You need to get home.” these kinds of things that, that can be an indicator also. psychological indicators that might be pointing towards domestic, family, or sexual violence, a feeling of powerlessness or hopelessness, and a feeling that they’re not in control of their own life, basically.

emotional numbness, so just not really responding strongly to anything, just quite shut down. denial, “Everything’s fine. No, there’s not a problem. There’s not a problem.” flashbacks, so this is a big one for people who have, experienced trauma, whether recently or a long time ago, and flashbacks can be- can look a lot different between individuals.

And it can be that whatever has triggered that flashback, it’s not that the person suddenly thinks, “Oh, I’m in the room where this happened, and I’m experiencing it again.” It’s that the body, remembers how that person felt, and they, it puts those feelings back in your body. It’s a bit of a tricky one to unpack, and I don’t know that I’ve done that super well. But, yeah, so flashbacks can be a big issue. Jane, do you have anything to add there? Yeah. I was just thinking it could be, I’ve had, times where I’ve been with someone, and there might be something that they see or hear or smell.

So flashbacks can be a, happen because of like a trigger that might trigger that flashback. And we know that, the senses and memory are, very well connected, and the way that we store traumatic memories is actually quite different to the way we store memories in our brain. So someone smelling something or hearing something or seeing someone or talking about something can trigger, an emotional response that reminds them of the trauma that they experienced.

And for some people, this can feel very real, and it can feel very threatening, even though they might be sitting with you in the room so this might even look like dissociation. So somebody actually, you might be talking to them and about something, and you notice that it- it’s almost like they’re leaving the conversation and, becoming unfocused.

Again, so this is a survival mechanism that we use, but for, many people, and, potentially who have had complex experiences of trauma, this can become, something that’s not useful for them if they’re dissociating, different times throughout the day. So I think, again, it’s a tricky one to pick up because it can look really different for different people, and people may not be able to describe what’s happening unless they’ve had an opportunity to process that with with someone or someone’s helped them find the words to, share that experience.

but is something to look out for because, as Tess said, can be really common experience for people who have experienced trauma. The other thing to remember with flashbacks is that if a person is experiencing a flashback, then that sort of logical, rational part of their brain where you can go, “Oh, it’s not real.

It’s, whatever, that part has gone offline. It’s just the part of the brain that is in charge of feeling fear and threat and responding to that. you also need to be patient with the person, and not get frustrated with them. their, full capacity to respond to you has been impaired in that moment.

Yes. moving on, things like guilt or self-blame, or, “It’s my fault. It’s because I don’t do enough, X, Y, Z.” feeling embarrassed or feeling shame about, themselves or about a situation. Loss of confidence can be a big one, and particularly in terms of emotional, psychological abuse, this can be a really key, Implicit sort of goal of the, perpetrator is to, for that person to not have any confidence in themselves, in their capacity to make decisions for themselves, to know what is the right or wrong thing to do, to trust their gut. All of these things, occur as a result of this loss of confidence that the, abuser is facilitating.

Yeah. changes in mood, depression, anxiety, fear, anger, all of these, different emotions, and conditions can come up. feeling alienated or isolated, as well as sexual dysfunction. these can all be psychological indicators. Yeah, I think I was just thinking, Tess, as you were speaking about each one that there is not a one right way or wrong way to feel after an experience of violence.

So some people might experience all of these, some people might experience a, a few of these. So it’s going to be really different for the person who’s experienced violence. So I, we don’t want people walking away thinking, “Oh, here are all the things,” and it’s a bit of a checklist because we know that everybody has an ind- individual response.

But just some things to consider, to look out for, and again, we hope that, these things don’t indicate violence. It may be a flat day or something else has happened, but, something at least to check in about

So we have another quote here from a, this one’s from a disability sector stakeholder. So be curious. If something doesn’t feel right, say something. If you can’t put your finger on it, but you feel something’s a bit off, something’s strange, you’re getting a funny feeling, our bodies sometimes can be incredible at letting us know that something’s not right.

And so we as supporters and allies, of people who have disability need to say something. We need to do something So what do you do? What do you do if you’re picking up on these indicators, if you’re observing the person isn’t themselves, they’re not wanting to go out, they’re very flat, there’s injury, there’s a few things that have made you think, “I’m really concerned about this.”

If you notice something, say something. So say what you’ve noticed and offer practical help. So we don’t wanna play guessing games. We, don’t want to lead people. We don’t want to assume that, this is because of this. we just wanna be clear and ask the person. “I have noticed that you act differently when your partner comes to the service.

I’m worried, and I… Is it okay for me to ask you if… some questions?” I’ve noticed that when you’re coming to respite, you’re having bruises. You’re having bruises on your arm. I’m really concerned about that. Can I ask you some questions around how you’ve been, what’s been going on?” So again, say what you’ve noticed and offer help, practical help Asking about domestic, family, sexual violence should always be done without judgment, sensitively and safely.

So this, I guess if we’re thinking about safely, it’s around physical safety, so who is around? if the person is in their home and you’re going there for your afternoon shift, and there’s somebody there that you think or there’s an indicator that perhaps that person is using violence, it may not be safe to directly ask the person or the person using violence around what’s going on.

So trying to find spaces where it is safe. that could be… And sometimes it’s about being a bit creative with this. So I would often have, these types of conversations when I was in the car with someone alone driving. I would always check in with the person around whether, where they were, who they were with.

I know I, I had a a client that I worked with for a really long time, and she would always have me on loudspeaker always. and I, this was so she could hear what I was saying and so we could communicate. So it was really important that I always checked in around who was around, and what she was doing.

it’s really important for, physical safety, but also emotional safety. where can you go where this person might feel safe? Is there somebody else on, the staff or someone else who’s rostered who this person might have a better relationship with who might feel more comfortable to share these details?

it’s around thinking about physical and emotional safety when, bringing this up with someone. And I think you’ve been really clear with what you’ve just said, Jane, but just to be super explicit and drive the point home- Yeah … you’re not going in there, you’re not a detective going, “Oh look, there’s these 17

indicators that I’ve noticed, so I’m gonna go in here and, say to him, ‘You’re hitting her, aren’t you?'” Yeah. we’re not going in to, to be a hero. We’re not, And, same for the if you just go in and go, “He’s hitting you, isn’t he?” That could just scare the person and they’ll shut down and, won’t be receptive to the support that you’re wanting to provide.

So just going really gently, just as Jane said, describing what and then asking if… And expressing that you’re concerned and then asking, “Can we talk a bit more?” And just go slow. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I think that point around it not being our role to investigate, we aren’t the police, we aren’t detectives, our role is just to facilitate conversation and keeping it open and allowing that person to share, when they feel ready, and trying to have a, create an environment that can happen.

so we have some prompts, some further questions here. So this has come from the ACT risk assessment. So what they’ve have mentioned in their framework is that we know that there are specialist domestic family, sexual violence services who are trained to do thorough risk assessments, to do safety planning.

However, these types of questions, could be available for others, so support workers, doctors, other people in the community. as the response, there needs to be a response that comes from everyone. So if you’ve started a conversation and you’ve said, “Look, I’ve noticed this, I want to help, I’d really like to have a conversation about this.

Can I ask you some questions?” you may be able to follow up with some of these questions. Has the person done, and has any, or it could be, “Has anyone done anything to make you feel scared? has someone hurt you? Has this person hurt you? Has they ever tried to control you or call you names or put you down?”

it might may be that this might be too much. So I think using your, instincts around how far to go when you open up these discussions, someone might not be ready to ask these, answer these direct questions. But of course, there may be other opportunities to open this up again, when there’s a, safer environment, the person is feeling more ready.

so of course, at this point, if somebody was answering with yes and they’re starting to disclose, this would be the point, where, you would go to the next module because we do talk about what to do actually when someone starts telling you about an experience of violence. But know at this point as well, again, as Tess was saying, it’s not, it wouldn’t be your job to be doing a risk assessment and safety planning and, doing all of this.

There are specialist services that can provide that support and can ask some more questions and support that person to think about their safety and make a plan around options

Okay. So I wanted to take a couple of minutes to tell you about this really excellent online resource. it is at www.speakupandbesafe.com.au. That’s all one word. And sp- it’s a project called Speak Up and Be Safe From Abuse. It is designed to, support disabled people who have communication differences to be able to express what’s happening to them in abusive situations so that they can get the support and safety that they need.

All the resources on there are free and- I super-duper encourage you to go and check it out. It’s really, useful. there are guides for how to, modify the resources that they’ve provided to make it appropriate for your particular clients. there are different types of communication boards.

this is one page of the action boards. and you may already be familiar with using, communication tools like this in other contexts. but often the sort of standard communication boards and, aids don’t necessarily include this really specific vocab- and these sort of, abuse and violence situations.

there are also… Oh, so this is in one of the action boards. So the person could point to, the person is, handling me roughly, or the person is doing this or that. They can point. You can point as well, ask questions while you point to a particular image. there are body boards as well, so a front and back view of a person so they could point to, particular parts of their body that has been affected.

there are planning tools to help you plan how to talk about these issues. There are also prevention planning tools, and there are also recording sheets to help you take notes during the conversation or after the conversation. ’cause there can be a lot going through your head as well while you’re trying to

navigate these conversations. So some really, good resources on there. they also have some pretty low-cost online learning modules if you want to look into this more and learn more about it. so yes, highly recommend the, Speak Up and Be Safe From Abuse website. there’s also spelling boards, like this one, and even just having a yes or no, to point to.

if the person is struggling to speak or to communicate it somehow, you might have to not ask leading questions, but ask, clarifying questions. is… Do you need this, yes or no? And they might be able to point to yes or no if they can’t actually, speak it all out. And for people who are non-speaking or low speaking, they’ll probably be familiar with these boards, but they can also be really useful for people who you might know as someone who speaks, all the time, but they can shut down.

autistic people, people who have been traumatized, lots of different people can shut down and lose that ability to speak just in, in that moment because of the stress and whatever. So do consider them as well for people who you might not actually think initially that they would need this kind of support.

It can be really useful just to have it there, as well. And also even because… it’s an, it’s not a thing that we talk about every day. It’s uncomfortable to talk about. It’s scary to talk about. So all of these things can make someone less likely to be able to verbalize something for whatever reason.

So having these resources available can be, yeah, a really great thing. When we’re having these conversations, we are trying to keep the, cognitive load, the amount of, work that the person’s brain has to do to just be in this conversation, we’re trying to keep that as low as possible. So we are keeping sentences short, something I’m not very good at.

I like to waffle on. but if you’ve, if your sentence is actually you asking three different questions in it, then it’s really hard for the person to hold onto all of those different elements and respond accurately, and it stresses them out, and they forget things, and So keeping sentences short, focusing on sort of one idea at a time, one idea per sentence kind of thing, when you’re looking at the communication boards, letting them, point to what they need to point to or, whatever it is.

And particularly if the person is taking quite a while to respond, not going, “Oh, it, it, you meant this, didn’t you?” Just having that patience, to wait, We always like to jump in when there’s a silence or whatever and fill that sort of empty air. But it’s really important to allow extra processing time, extra responding time- because the person is thinking about a lot in that moment. but if they just seem really overwhelmed, the, their cognitive load is, already too high and they just, if they’re not really, knowing where to start, for example- Yeah. Yeah … that might be a point where you can guide them a little bit on, where to start on the boards or, But without doing it for them, just supporting them to do that. I was just thinking, the Speak Up and Be Safe website as well has a lot of resources, and they actually have a training as well that I would encourage people to, sign up for. But they have a lot of information around how to start this process, without leading the person.

So without saying, “Was it this? Was it this? Was it this?” It’s really important that you guide the person, ’cause that, they may need some support to even consider, “What did, what do you want from me? What is this?” but, providing that support without leading. and of course, for, anyone, leading someone in terms of disclosure can be, dangerous.

It can also mean that evidence, if the person does choose to report to the police, evidence can be, disrupted, and the story can be, different from what it was because, they were unsure of what you were asking, and the questions were quite direct. Speak Up and Be Safe have some really clear instructions around, to do that.

Excellent. Okay, so we’re gonna have a look at the questions in the workbook now for module five. We’ve got two questions for you to answer. Question one is: what are some of the ways a person who is non-speaking or has communication differences might communicate an an experience of violence? And question two is: what could make it difficult to recognize domestic, family, or sexual violence in people’s lives?

So hit pause on your video now and complete these two questions, and we’ll see you back here to wrap up.

So the key takeaways from module five are, if you notice something, say something. So say what you’ve noticed and offer practical help. We’ve learned that a change in a person’s behavior can be a key indicator. It may not mean necessarily that something has happened, but any change in the way that somebody responds, reacts, presents, that’s an opportunity for a discussion around what might be happening for that person.

And of course, building a strong relationship with the person you are supporting is where we start every time that we have a new client. And even, building relationships is something that happens over a period of time, and we need to continue putting energy into that relationship to ensure that it is safe, that it is trusting, and that we can, pick up on changes in that person’s life.

And the person will hopefully feel safe enough to, share what is happening when we ask them. And people who are non-speaking or experience communication difficulties will communicate their experiences in other ways. So we’d like to thank you very much for joining us for module five. In module six, we will start to discuss what you can do if somebody starts disclosing an experience of violence to you.

So we hope to see you there